four years/twenty-eight weeks

I can't believe that Daryl and I have only been married four years. At the risk of sounding super cheesy I have to say it feels like we've always been together. I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing but I feel like we bypassed the newlywed state and went right to old married couple comfortability. Which I know would make some people cringe (those who love the butterflies in your stomach feeling, and the newness of discovering someone's likes and dislikes) but our relationship is so... us.

I mean, all I ever wanted was someone to go to the grocery store with. Someone to take a winter walk with. Someone to prepare meals with and laugh with. And I got so much more than I ever could have hoped. I got someone with such a quirky sense of humour he makes me laugh until I have to pee. I got someone who loves to watch movies and loves to watch the weird, independent movies that no one else really wanted to watch with me. I got someone with whom I wake up to discover that we've been holding hands while we slept (which I used to think was somewhat embarrassing but now I just love it). I got a husband and best friend all in one.

So we celebrated by going to The Clay Oven.

(Our three options for ourselves were Indian, Ethiopian, or Brazilian. All three of which the thought of are now making my mouth water...mmmm...)

And check this out. I just happened to find (amongst other things) in a bag that I hadn't used in quite a while the ticket from the show where we first met. Like, literally, were first introduced to each other. Like, "Corrie this is my room mate Daryl. Daryl this is Corrie from LDN." How's that for kismet? IT GETS EVEN CRAZIER! Check out the date on the ticket! It is EXACTLY two years before our "little wedding" where when we got legally married! Our little wedding was on April 29, 2009! (we had a bigger, more regular wedding a month later on May 23. Hence the little wedding and the big wedding*)

That just blew my mind when Daryl pointed it out to me... yes, yes, yes, I didn't notice the date on the ticket, but I'm horrible with remembering dates and tend not to pay attention to them. I didn't even remember it was our anniversary until the day before, and that was just a fluke, it totally would have passed me by otherwise.

Anyway, on to other news. The twenty-eight week news.

It still feels so strange to me that we're actually pregnant. I mean, I know there's a baby in there, I can feel him or her kick and have seen the ultrasound and felt his or her little behind when our midwife pointed it out for us, but it just doesn't seem real.

I'm taken by surprise every time I walk by a mirror and see my reflection. "That's me? But that lady is so pregnant! I mean, she's obviously going to have a baby." But my prayer these days is the same one I've been praying for the last three years, "God, please let us have a baby."

Our midwife says this is perfectly normal for women who have had trauma in a previous pregnancy. It's normal to feel disconnected from the baby and feel cautious about the future. "Have you tried talking to the baby about it?" she asked at our last appointment. "It might help you to express why you can't feel too excited right now and explain that you'll love him or her so much after he or she is born but you're just having a hard time right now. Your baby understands, don't worry**."

And that's it, exactly. I can't get too excited right now, because what if...? And I know that as each week passes the chances get better and better that we'll actually get to meet this baby and hold a living, breathing, little person but it still feels like it's almost too much to hope for.

So, in the meantime, I'm sure I'm behind on accumulating the baby things we'll be needing and I'm sure that will make life more difficult in the near future but I'm okay with that. This is what I can handle for now, this is what helps me get through every day. And that's what moms and sisters are for, right? To run around and help with all that stuff after the baby is here.

God willing.

* We ALWAYS get questions about which anniversary we celebrate - April 29th or May 23. The answer is, whichever strikes our fancy, or, whichever one Corrie actually remembers. Daryl is much better at remembering these things than I am, so, unfortunately it's usually up to him to plan stuff if we plan in advance. Which we usually don't. Ain't nobody got time for that. 
** Have I mentioned how fantastic our midwife is? She. Is. Fan. Tastic. We love her so much. She always finds a way to mention something that is totally reassuring to me at our appointments. The time before last was (after there was a jump in heartbeat while we were listening to the baby's little heart beat away which was after we had been poking and prodding at the baby feeling it's head and bum - amazing!) "That's a really good sign, actually, a baby who is in distress wouldn't waste energy on raising it's heartbeat like that." Not that there is any reason for worry or distress on the part of the baby, and there hasn't been this whole pregnancy, but she always finds a way to put my mind at ease. Love her. 


Krista said...

Happy anniversaries! I have to say, I'm with you on the comfortable in a relationship. Feels right. And less stressful than the butterflies. :)

I'm also with you on the withholding of excitement while pregnant. My prayer while I was pregnant with Kai was 'God, protect your child in my womb, protect my womb, protect me, protect Vergil.' I'm still praying your little one will be as determined to meet you as you are to meet him or her!

pamero said...

Oh man, baby stuff is the *least* of your worries. We have so much stuff to pass on to you, you'll be stocked up, no problem. And if I remember correctly, I came home to a totally cleaned up house, a fully set up Nursery and a Christmas tree in the living room to boot. Just try to enjoy the last few months (as much as you can) and then get ready to have some nice cozy family time. We'll cover the 'work' for sure.

And happy anni too! You guys deserve each other...but in a good way, not in a like vindictive, mean way. ha ha

kim said...

I love you guys :)