May 19

This would have been our due date. Sometime in this week we were expecting to welcome our baby into the world.

Way back in October when I was feeling so sick and so miserable May 19th felt so far away and so impossible.

Now it feels like a dream.

Were we ever really expecting to welcome a healthy baby into our lives? Did we really expect that things would be happy and good? What was life like back then before Emmanuel?

Not that I wish things were different, because that would mean wishing that our son had been different, and I really believe that God gave him to us to love just as he was for as long as we were able to and I wouldn't change a thing.

Going back, had I known, I might have cherished every moment, even the nausea and sickness, knowing it was all the time we would get with our baby. But I don't like living with what if's and regrets so I'll leave that train of thought behind.

As for today, I took the day off work. Daryl and I know how to take care of each other and how to make each other smile and understand what this day is about, even without saying it out loud.

Now May 19th feels like an ending. The date calculated to be the end of our pregnancy, but which really came much sooner. Now, no more imaging what I would have looked like had I still been pregnant, no more thinking of how we would have been preparing to welcome a baby, it's another ending like January 27th was an ending.

Now I'm not Corrie-who-would-have-been-nine-months-pregnant. I'm just Corrie again.



Mom said...

Praise God for Corrie, Daryl and Emmanuel!!! Thank you God for Corrie our daughter, Corrie as a sister, Corrie as a friend and Corrie as a wife and most of all Corrie as Your Child and Servant! :)

Allan and Judith said...


darien said...

I only have cyber hugs to send your way, and prayers to lift on your behalf. There are no really great words.