hair

Lately I've been getting a very strong urge to shave my head again. And, Pam, don't roll your eyes at me for bringing it up again. I know it annoys you.

It's just that whenever I start to feel insecure or out of control or insignificant it makes me so happy to shave all my hair off. I'm not sure why.

Maybe it's because I like challenging the idea of traditional beauty.

Maybe it's because I hate fussing with my hair and when I grow it out I have to fuss with it A LOT.

Maybe it's because it gives me a sense of control over something, as little as it is.

Maybe it's because when I make a major decision I feel like I need to mark it with a symbolic act.

Maybe it's because when I struggle with something and want to show God my obedience and respect it seems like the largest non-permanent offering I can make.

Maybe I just want to stand out in some way.

In class today we were talking about the value of a woman's hair (in reference to "The Rape of the Lock" by Alexander Pope) and how it represents beauty and all kinds of stuff. When that hair is cut off how does a woman find value? When they start to lose their hair it's a major deal for most men. Nothing can put me in a bad mood for the entire day like a bad hair day. Prisoners often have their heads shaved to strip them of their sense of identity.

Isn't it funny how much hair can mean to us and define us?

I think what it comes down to is that I like that feeling of being stripped away. When I have no (or very little) hair I remember who I am more easily. Does that make sense? I feel more like me. I don't feel like I have to primp and make myself presentable. I just am. And when I'm not fussing about what others will think when they see me and my hair I can focus more easily, and do focus more readily, on how God sees me all the time.

Someone had better take my sissors away...

8 comments:

ccap said...

Sorry, I won't be the one taking your scissors away: (a) because I understand. COMPLETELY. and (b) I think you look smashingly great with a shaved head.

Michele said...

Or we could pass you the scissors...

With eyes like yours who needs hair?

cornelia said...

Sigh... I'm so tempted. Last time I brought it up with my family they unanimously agreed that I shouldn't cut it again. Even Nick and Tom... and they're not technically family...

But I'm still thinking about it...

pamero said...

Okay, while you were at work today I confiscated ALL the scissors EVERYWHERE in our shared house-sorry vissers. I just think you need ot give it a little bit of time so we can at LEAST see it a bit long. But don't blame it on us for you Not shaving it, because of course we all know it's ultimately up to you *and* we've all let you know that.
And, oh yeah, I was just kidding about taking all the scissors away.

beckster said...

Just let us see what it looks like a little bit longer, and then if yuo still absoloutly hate it then you have my go to shave it. Just wait a little bit longer.

Michele said...

Pam:
What you don't know is that ROB BOUGHT SOME BONA-FIDE HAIR SHAVING OFF CLIPPERS! Much better for baldness than scissors.
Corrie:
Any time you're ready. I'll hand you the clippers and distract Pam.

ccap'sboy said...

Insignificant? Never. Too many people love you for you to be (or feel) insignificant.

Linda said...

Go for it! I admire your courage in shaving your head. I often wish I could do it (mostly because I wouldn't have to deal with it) but I don't have the guts. You look beautiful with a shaved head. I vote yes. Just do it.