unfamiliar and uncomfortable

I had coffee recently with two people I used to know. Now my heart is breaking and I don't even know why. We grabbed some tea and coffee and sat in the park eating cookies. It was a beautiful evening and should have been the perfect catching up time. But I just felt so sad. It's not that they're so different, because they aren't. It's not that I don't like them, because I do. A lot. There was something about the whole evening that made my heart heavy. I don't even know how to describe it other than to call it an aura or bubble that seemed to be surrounding them. I couldn't see it but I could sure feel it. And I could feel that it kind of stuck to me in a sticky, clingy, cobwebby way. Because even in my car, driving away, my heart seemed full of sand. Heavier and heavier. And I found myself wanting to weep right there in my car. The strange thing is I don't even know what I would have been weeping about or why.

We started off chatting and I became more and more quiet because this other thing was so loud I couldn't ignore it. So I left, quietly, saying goodbye. And now I'm left with this sense of... something. Unfamiliar and uncomfortable to me.

4 comments:

Heather said...

I remember driving home from a party once, and for no reason I could understand, I cried all the way home.

Krista Lavender said...

I've had that feeling before. I think it's the passing of time. I don't know what else it could be?

Thanks for checking out my blog cornelia.

Krista

Lindsay said...

I know that feeling, as well. I agree with Krista, I think that it's just the underlying knowledge that everyone is getting older and that things won't ever be the same with the people that you used to have such good times with. Another terrible feeling is when you bump into someone you used to be really close with but grew apart from, and you don't have much to say to each other anymore, the easy camaraderie is gone. That's the worst.

cornelia said...

I agree, that's pretty painful. And the worst part is, you know the friendship has played itself out, and as close as you were it can't be that way again... And then with other people you can not see each other for years and start right back where you left off. Why is that?...