y'know what?

I'm just gonna say it. Today life sucks for me. I don't want to be at school waiting to find out if the second half of my class is going to be cancelled due to a blizzard. I don't want to have a meeting tonight. I don't want to plan a night of spiritual exercise for other people. I don't want to go out for coffee with a stranger. I don't want to plan a baby shower. I don't want to think about times of testing and wonder if I'm passing or failing. I don't want to feel the way I feel.

I want chocolate. And I want coke. With ice. And lemon. I want junk food and things that are bad for me. If someone gave me a glass of scotch right now I would toss it back and ask for another. If someone handed me a cigarette I would take a long, deep drag so the smoke and nicotine would go into the deepest recesses of my lungs.

I've been chewing on a verse for the last little while and it's been mostly comforting but today I just want to add a lot of exclamation points and scream it back at God.

With your very own hands you formed me!!! now breathe your wisdom over me so I can understand you!!!!!
Oh, love me! —and right now!!!!—hold me tight! just the way you promised!!! Now comfort me so I can live, really live!!

And let me live whole and holy, soul and body, so I can always walk with my head held high.

8 comments:

pamero said...

oh man! I wish I had read this before I spent the whole night with you doing all the stuff you didn't want to do. But i am glad we got to talk some things out. well sorta. you talk. me say huh.
me tarzan. you jane. I sleep. now.

pamero said...

oh, right, and i love you.

Accidental Poet said...

"let me live whole and holy" - that's one of those phrases that will stay with me a long time, girl

corrie said...

Isn't that a great line? I can't take credit for it... it's from Psalm 119:73-80.

Accidental Poet said...

oh you COULD take credit for it if you were so inclined :) but thanks for pointing me in the right direction :)

rob waddell said...

Don't smoke. Trust me. Don't smoke.

pamero said...

Oh no corrie, I think you SHOULD take up smoking. But only big old fat cigars. Then, you'd be *really* cool.

Celindy said...

Don't you just love days like that!! Sometimes a good old screaming fit with God is the BEST thing that can happen!!

They have chocolate flavoured cigars.. Mmmmmmmmm :)