I'm just gonna say it. Today life sucks for me. I don't want to be at school waiting to find out if the second half of my class is going to be cancelled due to a blizzard. I don't want to have a meeting tonight. I don't want to plan a night of spiritual exercise for other people. I don't want to go out for coffee with a stranger. I don't want to plan a baby shower. I don't want to think about times of testing and wonder if I'm passing or failing. I don't want to feel the way I feel.

I want chocolate. And I want coke. With ice. And lemon. I want junk food and things that are bad for me. If someone gave me a glass of scotch right now I would toss it back and ask for another. If someone handed me a cigarette I would take a long, deep drag so the smoke and nicotine would go into the deepest recesses of my lungs.

I've been chewing on a verse for the last little while and it's been mostly comforting but today I just want to add a lot of exclamation points and scream it back at God.

With your very own hands you formed me!!! now breathe your wisdom over me so I can understand you!!!!!
Oh, love me! —and right now!!!!—hold me tight! just the way you promised!!! Now comfort me so I can live, really live!!

And let me live whole and holy, soul and body, so I can always walk with my head held high.